Perfectly Fallible

The Church recently updated the section on “Race and the Priesthood” contained on lds.org. The changes follow the trend that was manifest in the language used to introduce Official Declaration 2, going further in establishing that the reasoning used for the restriction was not inspired and essentially due to pervasive racism amongst the leadership and membership of the Church. The entry is a positive step forward, but brings a more complicated view of prophets than typical held within the Church.

A post on By Common Consent establishes two possible implications to draw from the information provided. The first, for me more compelling and logical, implication is that the restriction was never the will of God and therefore prophets sometimes misspeak and perpetuate practices and ideas that are hurtful and not inspired. The second possible route to take is that the ban was inspired for some unknown reason and that simply the reasons espoused to defend it were incorrect. As I don’t identify with the second, and BCC already covers the differences and reasons to go with option one, I’ll focus on what this means for me, and likely others.

If prophets made mistakes in the past and those mistakes were perpetuated and uncorrected through decades, with incorrect reasons and support espoused from the pulpit, even in General Conference, there may be, and likely are, current trends/beliefs/practices that are taught (even during General Conference) that are not inspired of God. This understanding has become the only way that I can reconcile past practices and beliefs with my understanding of the Gospel. However, it serves to seriously complicate the approach that I have to GC and reading prophetic counsel and guidance.

I believe that prophets are inspired and led by revelation. I believe that God loves everyone, that whatever is best for all humankind is God’s will. These two beliefs mean that I cannot accept the words of every prophet spoken during their tenure as a prophet as doctrine and God’s will. Therefore, to maintain my belief in prophets, I have been driven to develop an alternative approach to determining when they are acting and speaking as a prophet. GC is a decent standard, but historically that platform does not exclude human errors taught as divine.

I have chosen to follow the guidance of J. Reuben Clark and seek the Spirit while prophets are speaking, to have a feeling of confirmation. While some may view this as a method for me or others to simply justify whatever beliefs I want and discount council I do not wish to follow, the reality is much more complex and spiritually challenging. I, and I believe most that share my concerns, truly want to know Truth and wish to come closer to the divine. Choosing to maintain belief and fighting for understanding in the face of ambiguity and confusion is a challenge and a choice that requires constant re-evaluation.

I must rely on the Spirit witnessing to me of the truthfulness of any given statement. Otherwise, I have nothing. I must constantly seek to have the Spirit with me and to know what is from the Spirit and what is not to determine the inspired nature of what is said. While this introduces complexity into historical narratives and understanding what is and is not doctrine, it allows me to hold firm to my belief in the Church as inspired, yet led by fallible people. It requires constant vigilance to determine what is and is not doctrine and what I need to do, but the struggle has been immensely rewarding. I am constantly faced with ambiguity and questions, but have felt a deepening of my faith and strengthening of my reliance on the Spirit. After all, it’s a faith worth fighting for.

Why I Love Ambiguity and You Don't Need To

I’ve been thinking a fair bit recently about the large variance in how individuals respond to going to Church and the various topics that are discussed. I struggled for quite some time with enjoying my Church-going experience (and to be honest still do on occasion). Yet, I continue to go because Church was never a social or primarily fun activity for me. At first, I went out of habit, developed by my family regularly attending Church for as long as I remember. However, I gradually began to go as an outward manifestation of my love for and commitment to follow Jesus Christ. Church was a place where I hoped to commune with the divine, a piece of grabbing on to the holy and keeping it with me throughout the Sabbath.

However, this was sometimes frustrating, when I would go and felt that the lessons or discussions were superficial or went in a direction that I disagreed with. I suppose that is the downfall of strongly holding the minority opinion. I would come away from Church frustrated and irritated, wondering how people could think the things that they do or not even consider anything beyond the surface. As I faced this continued struggle, I had a moment of inspiration, partially inspired by a fantastic piece of Eugene England’s titled, “Why the Church is as True as the Gospel”.

I realized that everyone has unique talents and perspectives and that together we can come closer to the truth. As much as I would like people to see things a little more broadly or openly, perhaps that’s not what they need from the Church. It’s also not what they bring. Yet, to find the truth, the full picture, we need to bring ideas into conflict, to feel out the contradictions and the oddities. We need to use what each of us was given for the good of everyone else.

Perhaps a fitting explanation of my belief that truth and beauty lies in conflict is in a short poem I wrote a year ago to define beauty (it’s intended to be beat poetry, complete with bongos accompanying).

A QUEST FOR TRUTH

The moonlight breaking through the clouds

The sun peaking through the gray mist

One man running through many crowds

Ambiguous as a clenched fist

A sign waiting up in the sky

A bright spot amidst the darkness

One man ready to jump and fly

Conflict asserts her agelessness

The joy of first discovery

The pain of not fully knowing

One man deep in recovery

The Search is forever flowing

A quest for truth

A search for life

Conflict brings us

Beauty in strife

If I can help provide a differing perspective than most have and provoke some thought causing individuals to think about why they believe what and how they do, then I have helped build the Kingdom. If others can bring me to question and deepen my own convictions and understanding, then they have built the Kingdom.

The thing is, all of us are needed. I need to remember that not everyone loves to question and dive into theological speculation to enrich their spirituality. To reference an overused, but effective analogy, as the body of Christ, we can’t all fill the same function- if the eyes tried to do what the hands did or the feet wanted to be your mouth, everything would fall apart. We all have a role to fill and together we make a whole. Not everyone rejoices in ambiguity. And that’s the way it needs to be. For all of us. 

This I Believe

I Believe in God.

I believe that God is love.

I believe that belief is valuable.

I believe that Jesus Christ is my Savior and my Friend.

I believe that scripture (the Bible, Book of Mormon, etc.) is the word of God as understood by prophets, historians and others that recorded their revelations.

I believe that all can receive revelation from God.

I believe prophets receive divine guidance for the world, however filtered it may be by their own experience.

I believe that God communicates with me through the Spirit.

I believe that God constantly strives to help humanity better understand His word and truth.

I believe that Truth should be sought for and Embraced.

I believe that people are inherently good.

I believe that the worth of every soul is great.

I believe that I have a Mother in Heaven, without whom God is incomplete and not god.

I believe that men and women are equal and deserve equal rights.

I believe that we are all children of Heavenly Parents.

I believe that we all have freedom to choose.

I believe that we will be judged by what we have done with what we were given.

I believe that I have the divine potential to become like God.

I believe in the power of music.

I believe that all things testify of Christ.

I believe that literature, film and other mediums of art teach truth in profound ways.

I believe that life does not end with death, nor did it begin with birth.

I believe that life is to bring me joy.

I believe that joy is made sweeter by experiencing suffering and pain.

I believe in the power of laughter.

I believe that all things will fail, except for Charity- pure, divine Christ-like love.

I believe that embracing Truth will lead to joy.

I believe that Truth can be found in many places, but that Truth will always bring me closer to God.

I believe that belief is power.

To paraphrase the words of Mark in his ninth chapter, twenty-fourth verse, And straightway I cried out and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

And This I believe. 

My Scripture: Sources of Truth

What is Scripture for you? Once I was asked this in a Bible as Literature class by the professor. My gut reaction was to spout off the LDS canon of scripture, The Bible, The Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price, yet something caused me to reflect and consider what I truly consider scripture and what makes something scriptural. Scripture for me is a source of truth. I am reminded of Nephi’s words in 2 Nephi 25:26 describing why they wrote and compiled records, “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.”

Those purposes detail what makes things scriptural. That may seem limiting to some, but I find it to be rather inclusive and liberating. Alma 30:40-44 and Moses 6:63 expand the idea of what testifies of Christ and the reality of God by saying that “all things denote there is a God”. Hence, scripture for me has expanded to include works of literature, art, film, etc. I generally have rankings or categories for scripture that designate the weight given to them. The Canon is top, with words of prophets next, viewed as a commentary on or extension of the Canon, sometimes with disastrous implications, that I discount as scripture. Other religious texts, such as The Quran, form another category. The Bloggernacle and articles written for various Mormon or other religious studies’ journals provide perspectives and insight that I may not otherwise receive. However, the largest and for me most expansive and powerful supplement to scripture is great works of literature and film.

Some works that resonate strongly with me include the Harry Potter series, The Man Who Was Thursday, Trinity, A Tale of Two Cities, Ender’s Game, Alfred Lord Tennyson’s “Ulysses”, “Ode: Intimations of Immortality”, “O, Captain, My Captain”, “Invictus”, Star Wars Saga, The Dark Knight Trilogy, The Lion King, The Fountain, Les Miserables, etc.

These works have gained their personal scriptural status by the spiritual experiences that I have had interacting with them. The witness that I have felt from the Spirit helps me to better understand Truth. Perhaps this occurs because I have a deep abiding love for literature and film. Perhaps because the exploration of doctrinal truths in a different context causes new revelation to be had. Again, this is not to say that I value such works as greater than canonized scripture, but simply supplement the canon with works that I have interacted with and felt a deep, moving connection to the divine. I feel that as long as I am grounded in Canon, it is possible and beneficial to seek truth anywhere it can be found.

Ultimately, scripture is that which brings us closer to God, that teaches of truth. The truth may be expressed in a variety of ways, perhaps literature and film are not your thing, but you feel the majesty of God in nature or in a busy city. Maybe it’s art that touches you or photography or language. I seek for truth and embrace it, wherever it may be.

One Heart, One Mind: A Streetlight Manifesto

 In the dimly lit arena, we become as one. I can make out vaguely humanoid shapes, but without the distinguishing features that serve as the focus of so much of the day-to-day grind. No way to discriminate and judge one another. The band begins to play. Electric, horn-driven ecstasy flows from their instruments. The trombone and saxophone duel, a debate for the ages- for truth. The electricity rises and spreads from the stage to the crowd. It begins to awaken. Memories are stirred of why they came here, what drove them to this dark collection of misfits. Soon the power is too much and it shocks the crowd into action—a pulsating, perspiring pit of purity swirls around the arena. The crowd goes and soon I lose myself to the crowd. I too become one with the music, one with the truth and the purity channeled through the brass and through the strings and through the vocal chords.

No longer am I myself. I am one with the Streetlight, one with the Manifesto. I am carried away and join the we. ‘I’ is no more. Only we. We seem to be in chaos, jumbled and jostled, with power punches and scattered skanking, yet we are one. The chaos is the order. The truth is too pure to hold still- it demands movement, electrifying us to action, to continue in the purity of the pulsating, perspiring pit. On and on. It seems to never end.

When we slow down and I begin to drift out of the we, I notice the sweat and the smell of the underground. Only outside the we do I begin to remember the toils and pains of school and work, the grind that awaits. As I start to lose the drive, the transcendent touch of truth, the horn-driven electric ecstasy, returns. The crowd remembers once more the purity and power of the pulsating pit and I become we again.

Worry and anxiety drains from my body as I lose myself to the music. We are there for truth, for the liberation and freedom sung from the stage that stretches to touch all of us. In the midst of the pit’s pure pulsating chaos, smiles are shared, hands outstretched to lift a falling friend, as we join together in collective harmony, letting the truth flow through us. The anonymity of the crowd makes us one, no longer shackled to appearance and expectations. The power of the music stripping away the trappings of the world, leaving only the purity of transcendent truth that carries us together to new heights.

Fists fiercely raise in collective cries against the pressures and prejudices of the outside world. We rejoice in the freedom of ‘us’, rejecting the false notions of individuality and worth. The pit is pure electric truth channeling through all of us. The truth that I wish to float in and embrace. A truth made transcendent by the collective experience. Together we pulsed and punched and skanked to the beat of that magnificent horn-driven, electric truth long into the night.  

I lost myself and found myself in the WE.

A Skeptic and His Acorns

I am a skeptic, who loves questions and questioning (I created a list as a missionary of doctrinal questions numbering around 300, which I occasionally build on. Currently it’s over 400 questions). This can make watching General Conference an uplifting, yet frustrating experience. I am prone to dissect every word and phrase that’s spoken and try and build counter arguments while I’m listening, a practice formed while I participated in debate during high school. I can’t just take the words of the prophets and apostles as one hundred percent the will of the Lord. I know the scripture, “whether by my own voice or by the voice of my servants it is the same,” but I cannot accept the fact that every word or phrase that crosses the lips of the men I sustain as prophets, seers and revelators is scripture.  

In fact, I tend to follow counsel spoken by J. Reuben Clark, who gave a fantastic talk on the subject of revelation and knowing when prophets speak as prophets. His basic premise is that if what is being said is true then the Spirit will testify to you of that truth. If you receive no witness, then it’s not spoken under the influence of the Holy Ghost and therefore not inspired or binding. I enjoy this approach, but it’s not without its own problems. What if you can’t feel the Spirit? How do you know what is a witness? What if two people watch Conference and claim to have opposing Spiritual witnesses about the same talk? What about the different levels of spirituality, specifically relating to the ability to recognize and follow promptings?

Having a sufficiently complicated understanding of revelation and scripture muddies the idea of sustaining the leaders of the Church. I wonder if there’s a threshold for the amount of material from General Conference that needs to be accepted as truth and acted on to truly sustain my leaders. Some would claim that if you truly think they’re prophets, seers and revelators, then you would believe 100% of what they say. I’m not one of those people and think that if most knew the vast amount of statements made that we would now consider ludicrous to accept, they wouldn’t suggest such a proposal either. Pres. Uchtdorf’s talk from the Saturday morning session, acknowledges that Church leaders have made mistakes in the past, an admission that implies that not all statements made by Church leaders are inspired. Uchtdorf’s talk was incredibly welcoming and compassionate, soothing my questioning, skeptical soul. His statement that “the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding,” was particularly comforting and stated what I have long felt and believed to be true.

I sometimes long for the ability to believe everything without questioning, thinking that life would be easier if I was blind to the complications that I see everywhere and in everything. However, the spiritual experiences I’ve had due to questioning and pushing deeper, seeking understanding, are of immeasurable value to me. I don’t know what I would do without trying to constantly resolve tensions and work out conflicts. There is beauty in that conflict, in the ambiguity and unknown. The conflict can be wearisome and seem fruitless, especially when others doubt the sincerity of my faith and belief, simply because I question or see things differently. At times like these, I’ll remember the words of Pres. Uchtdorf, the Silver Fox, knowing that my acorn of honest inquiry can grow to be a great oak of understanding. My method of inquiry may differ from others, or perhaps they were given the gift of a great oak, or feel as though the existence of other’s great oaks is enough. The moments when the acorn starts to grow, when life is seen overshadow the pain and inner turmoil. The sensation of Spirit surrounding me as I discover truths and gain understanding, as I tease out and break through the conflicts is Enlightenment. An experience that I constantly strive for and wouldn’t trade for all the certainty in the world.